Home / Author Archives: Rabbi Celluloid

Author Archives: Rabbi Celluloid

You know the worst movies ever made? I like to watch movies so bad they ASPIRE to be the 'worst movies ever made.' I've had this predilection towards schlock since I was 13, the same year I was bar mitzvahed. Connection? Hmmm... I also fancy, conversely, the greatest movies cinema has to offer. Because, as the it says in The Bible, "Man cannot live on Schlock alone." When not having my eyes gouged out by mankind's cinematic atrocities, I am a stay at home Dad to my 5 kids.

Mark of the Devil – Blu-ray Review

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WITCH-FINDERS, VOMIT BAGS, AND DE-TONGUE-INGS It’s a shame they didn’t have cable TV in 18th century Austria; perhaps then they would have had something better to do than spend their days and nights pointing fingers at their friends and neighbors, screaming “witch! witch!” Unfortunately, if we are to believe the opening scroll of this sordid ...

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G33k-e TV: Bringing the Peanuts

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“I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.” – Orson Welles So while you were sleeping, G33k-e TV was born. While I’m no Marshall McLuhan (hell, I’m probably only a third rate Andy Rooney at that), it is the humble opinion of this commentator perched on the ...

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THE HAUNTING OF TWENTY-FIRST-CENTURY AMERICA – The Truth is Kind of Out There

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Like or not, believer or skeptic, the American paranormal industry is big business. Most municipal Yellow Pages still list Astrologists who will gladly shuffle their Tarot decks for a fee. It’s no secret that both local and federal authorities enlist psychics on missing person cases.

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INVASIVE SPECIES – A Summer Blockbuster to Warm the Winter

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As winter’s icy fist grips the bulk of North America and the notion of summertime seems like something that occurs only on distant planets, Joseph Wallace’s new novel INVASIVE SPECIES (Berkeley, December 2013, 9.99US, 10.99CAN) comes along, bringing with it summer blockbuster sensibilities.

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Bumpkins Abound in Hayseed Horror – Jug Face DVD Review

"Me and my jug face, strolling down the backwoods trail..."

“Well, I asked my old pappy why he called his brew White lightnin’ ‘stead of mountain dew I took a little sip and right away I knew My eyes bugged out and my face turned blue Light was started flashin’, sun was gonna clashin’ WHEW! White Lightnin’!” Rumor has it that George Jones took 80 ...

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Man of Steel… Film of Play-Doh

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I’m not that unique of a cinema goer. Yes, I have a smattering of film school in my background, including time which I spent mostly in The Gasthaus, a tavern located in the basement of UW-Milwaukee (bratwurst on a hard roll every Thursday, heaven on Earth). In addition, my allegiance to the comic book medium ...

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Book Review: PAWN OF PROPHECY by David Eddings

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There is change afoot in the world of fantasy fiction; a tectonic shift nearly as dramatic as the age of Sauron causing the muds of Middle Earth to poop out snarling Orcs and such. Fantasy fiction, that equally beloved and reviled genre of the forest wanderings usually tramped along by people (and non-people alike) in ...

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Big Studio Schlock, Ironside Fortified! – Visiting Hours (1982)

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If you’re a Schlockophile like me, the sight of a major studio logo prior to a movie’s credits makes your breadbasket lurch. However, to deny the fact that the biggies at one time gleefully marched lockstep with the “video nasty” crowd (mostly in the 70’s and 80’s) is to deny yourself quite a few quality ...

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